


I Can't Stop The Rain

by Imposterzoe



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Songfic, They're in mourning, bit of a mommy kink if you squint, no covid au, non descriptive smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imposterzoe/pseuds/Imposterzoe
Summary: It's been a year since Neil's death. Lim and Claire aren't handling things as well as they want people to believe.
Relationships: Audrey Lim/Neil Melendez, Claire Browne/Audrey Lim, Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	I Can't Stop The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Song by Jennifer Hudson with the lyrics tweaked ever so slightly. Set post Melendez's death obviously. Suffer :D

_ Oh, oh, oh _

_ Oh, oh, oh _

Audrey hated this time of year. The entire staff was shrouded in gloom and no one more than Claire. 

She kept to herself, speaking only when spoken to. She even started volunteering for scut work in order to keep busy and mentally separate herself from the feelings that threatened to overwhelm her.

Everyone knew to avoid her so no one noticed the sad glances she and Audrey would share. The comforting touches. 

Along with the fact that they went home together.

_ 27th of January, think he died a year ago today _

_ She's crying on my shoulder and begging me _

_ To make the hurting go away _

"I want him back!" She was sitting in Audrey's lap, sobbing into her chest. "Why can't he come back? I need him here. I need him!"

_ Pretty brown eyes, tears full of guilt, a heart full of pain and fear _

_ I wanna tell her it's okay but we both know _

_ She's the reason he's not here _

Audrey tried not to blame her. She was doing it enough herself.

Hours of "I should've…" 

"Why didn't I…"

"It's all my fault."

All she could was stroke her hair. Wipe her tears. Rock her to his favorite songs. 

Any reassurances had been exhausted in the first three months after his death. 

"I miss him too," was all she could say because anything else would've been the same sentiments.

She should've...

Why didn't she?...

It was all…

_ I keep on crying but it doesn't seem to help at all _

_ With every single tear drop it's like another raindrop falls _

It always rained this time of year despite it technically being winter.

Lightning struck as the tears slipped from her eyes with thunder accompanying Claire's sobs.

"Take the pain away," she begged. "The way only you can."

_ And I would, if I could but the try would be in vain _

_ Said no matter what I do I can't stop the rain _

"It won't bring him back." 

"I know. But I want to forget. Just for a bit." Her lips were warm on Audrey's neck. A reminder of the days they had to use each other to cope.

_ So I cry, ooh, I can't stop the rain, stop the rain _

_ Ooh, I can't stop the rain, stop the rain _

For some reason this made her cry harder. 

Is this what a year did? Made them revert back to the day after his funeral? Back to people too scared to face the pain?

All she had to do was say no. 

And then they'd hold each other crying until the rain stopped.

Then she'd move on like she had been. 

Then Claire would leave without the taste of regret in her mouth.

She just had to be strong. 

She just had to say no.

_ If I could, you know I would but the try would be in vain _

_ So I cry, ooh, I can't stop the rain, stop the rain _

"Mama please." Claire murmured, a last ditch effort to convince her. "Help me forget."

She closed her eyes, the guilt already building. "Okay." 

And there they were. At the one year mark, walking to her bedroom like no time had passed.

_ Faded picture in a little gold locket _

_ And she never takes it off _

She knew better than to touch the necklace on days like today.

Marcus had volunteered to go through his things after the wake. The box was in his underwear drawer, untouched.

The day he was planning to give it to Claire, to make things official, was three days after his death.

_ I know it's small, but it's heavy 'cause it's filled with guilt _

_ Of knowing she's why his life is lost _

Audrey had to be the one to give it to her. She knew what the reaction would be and didn't think Claire could afford anyone else seeing her that way.

That was the first time hours were spent convincing her that the earthquake couldn't have been her fault. 

Reminding her that she had tried to get him checked out sooner.

Assuring her that no one blamed her and any effort to keep him alive would've left him miserable.

That night held a lot of firsts. But it also marked a singular last. 

That was the last time Audrey ever looked at her and was unable to see what Neil had seen.

She saw a young woman stripped of her armor and begging for someone to take care of her.

How was she supposed to ignore that?

_ I feel bad for her but I'm having mixed emotions _

_ 'Cause he was a friend of mine _

She'd known Neil for more than a decade. A decade worth of memories and pain, pushed aside for a year long friendship. 

A month long love.

They were supposed to grieve together but somehow it dissolved into this. Comforting Claire in the only way that seemed to work.

Fingers were threaded into her hair and a breathless voice was begging her not to stop, just like a thousand nights before. 

No part of this was new but she felt herself get angry.

The man they both loved died and this is how they honored his memory?

Endless crying and meaningless sex? 

_ Somewhere in the deepest, darkest part of my mind _

_ I wish it was her that died that night, oh ooh! _

The second the thought crossed her mind she sat up, openly sobbing for the first time in months.

She didn't mean it. Truly she didn't.

Right?

_ I keep on crying but it doesn't seem to help at all _

_ With every single tear drop it's like another raindrop falls _

The rain picked up as warm arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"It's okay." Claire whispered, rubbing her back. "Everything's going to be alright."

This wasn't right. She wasn't the one who needed to be comforted. She wasn't the one who needed Claire to survive.

She wanted to push her away. To scream that it was her fault. 

_ And I would, if I could but the try would be in vain _

_ Said no matter what I do I can't stop the rain _

Why didn't she check him

Why couldn't she find a way to save him?

Why wasn't she the one in the goddamn brewery?

And why the hell was the last "I love you" he ever said directed at her of all people?

_ So I cry, ooh, I can't stop the rain, stop the rain _

_ Ooh, I can't stop the rain, stop the rain _

"It should've been me," she whispers, finally accepting the embrace. "Why wasn't it me?"

"Because he wouldn't have survived without you and then I'd be alone." 

_ If I could, you know I would but the try would be in vain _

"I just want to stop feeling like this, Claire," she sniffed. "When do we stop feeling like this?"

"I don't know." It was a sad answer but the truth. How could there be an end to this?

"What if we never do?"

"I don't know. But I do know he wouldn't want us to be alone, so I'm not going anywhere."

Audrey was in her lap at this point, crying into her chest. And all Claire could do was stroke her hair. Wipe her tears. Rock her to the sound of the rain.

"I miss him too," she whispered because there was nothing else to say.

He was gone. Nothing they did was going to change that.

But they were truly in this together now. And nothing was going to change that either.

_ So I cry, ooh, I can't stop the rain, stop the rain _


End file.
